The Chronicles of Narenia: The food, the ride and the Movie.

posted under , , by Sudarshan J
Ho Ho Ho, it is that time of the year again!!!

The whole day spent swatting flies,
With no regard for time as it dies.

Tons and tons of food lying around,
A cargo load which will run a ship aground.

There is nothing much on the idiot box,
Yet no motive for you to grab your socks.

You reminisce, look back, think and think,
With wine, and tea and coffee to drink.

There's mom to pamper you,
And dad to build your character,
And there's people whom you wish,
Boiled in their own stew,
As they begin their questionnaire,
About your life after you finish.

In a state of utter joblessness, I thought it would be a great idea to chronicle these 20 days of my life, mentioning the highs and lows of daily life, what I did, and what I learn everyday.

For me, home means loved ones, and copious amounts of food. Just 2 days into my winter vacations, and I am perennially full. We went for a week long trip (about which I'll blog soon), which was great fun!! For now, lets get back to food.

For all those lucky ones who are day scholars, you won't know what I am talking about. You might actually think I am mad, as home food is usually boring for you. I invite you to come eat at the IITM "mess". After a week, if you don't feel starved and see your bones stick out, and the thought of mess grub doesn't drive you crazy, I bow down to you. Thou art my Master and I fall at thee feet. Truly said, you won't know the value of anything unless you don't have it.

Driving gives me a high. Driving a car, riding a bike, cycling, driving you crazy, anything. Give me (a) vehicle, and I'll give you (the) path. Went for a long drive with the woman I love. Before your perverted and demented minds go haywire, your eyeballs bulge out and your eyebrows rise sky high, the woman is my mom. The drive was awesome!! The Hero Honda Pleasure I was riding is truly one. Want to go anywhere, just give me a tinkle*. At this point, I feel the desire to advertise myself:

A 4 wheeler = Rs. 500,000/-

Driving School = Rs. 2,000/-

License (Including bribes) = Rs. 1,000/-

Fuel = Rs. 300/-

Me = Priceless!!!

For everything else, there's everyone else.

And the Movie. I sat and watched Lawrence of Arabia this afternoon. It is a must watch. I don't wish to spoil the joy of watching it by telling you more about the movie.

Here are some of my pointers at the end of the day:

- Most females aren't worth what we think. Calvin was right all along. There are some who are just great, and reciprocate and reflect warmth and affection. And then there are some who just don't care. There are some who wait to talk to us, and some who reply in half-syllabic words, making most of the conversation an interview. And most of us guys end up hurting females who care about us. I apologize.

- Driving a gear less vehicle?? Wanna know how to overtake someone with a 180 cc vehicle? It's all about the timing. Just stay close to him, and when he shifts gear, you go full throttle. Our man gets psyched, and comes back with much greater speed, only to find you standing next to him at the next red signal. Keep doing this for sometime, and he will give up.

- Shop at FabIndia. Great place, silent and elegant. You get your money's worth. So, you now know what to get me for my birthday :) !!


*Conditions apply.

ps: I am known as Naren to all my relatives and close friends.

Viva la Dean!!!

posted under , by Sudarshan J
I kept dreaming about this for weeks. It turned out to be such a nightmare.

No, obviously not for me. For the Dean.

Here are some excerpts from the Lab Viva.

----

Dean: Do you smoke??

Me: Sir, are you asking this question as the Dean or as a professor of the Department of Ocean Engineering??

Dean: I am asking this is as your professor.

Me: Sir, then I think it would be better if we don't deviate from our subject and attend to the matter at hand.

Dean: What impudence?? In that case, I am asking you this question as the Dean!!

Me: Then I have no business sitting at your office with all these lab reports in my hands on a fine Saturday morning sir.

----

At another point of the very same Viva:

Dean: You have copied all the reports. You are an unscrupulous cheat and a liar!!

Me: (Silence)

Dean: Speak up!! Can't you do a single thing on your own?? Is this what you have been taught all these years?? I don't see any originality in your reports. All the readings are the same, the graphs look the same, the write up contains similar words. What have you even learnt from the lab? How well to copy??

Me: ....

Dean: Are you going to open your mouth or not?

Me: Sir, 10 of us did the same experiment, with the same values. I think common sense states that we get the same readings and the same graphs. And since we did the same experiment, I think even the method written by us will be the same.

Dean: What if I prove that you have copied word to word??

Me: Sir, I accept that I have copied.

Dean: There you go. Is this why I have to come to class every Friday afternoon after lunch and take your class for an hour? You haven't even written the conclusion on your own. Have you even gone through the slides I showed you in the class??

Me: Sir, about the slides, if I may ask, how much of it is yours, originally? Except the 1st slide where you write your name and your impressive degrees and the last one where you thank us for not sleeping in your class, how much have you written it on your own??

----

Except that all this never happened. it was just another dream.

And the nightmare was mine.

I got a report resubmission, and I have been asked to re-appear for Viva. But writing about the actual Viva that would have made an awesomely boooorring story!!

About the topics chosen (smoking and copying!), it actually happened to 2 of my mates. And this is how I would have responded to the Dean, had I been there, hypothetically!!

And Viva la Dean?? Not even in your dreams!!

posted under , by Sudarshan J
And once you are in...

If you have followed all the points in the earlier post, you should be on your way to becoming a successful pseud putter at IITM. But it's tough, very tough to stay in the brotherhood once you are in, because you have to fight your natural instinct and try to do things in a 'different' way. Here are some pointers on what to do and what not to do...
  • Don't talk to strangers. By strangers, I mean the non-pseud putters. So, if you are seen with every Tom, Dick and Harry, the brotherhood will make sure you will be left with only Tom and Harry , and cut Dick out (You get what I mean??).
  • It's not enough that you cock the cock, it also is important how you cock the cock. Never speak clearly except when on stage, or in sleep. It's important that you rush the words outta your mouth, stringing words together and using IITM lingo more than required. Blink only twice while speaking the whole sentence (Yes, just twice!!).
  • Talking about Linkin' Park's new album will get you nowhere. Linkin' Park is common man's music. Make sure you know some arbitrary bands, with names that no one can relate to, and music that no one has ever heard of. And wherever you go, make sure you keep mentioning this band's name from time to time, lest you forget.
  • When you attend a phone call, make sure you look at the caller's name, blink thrice, wonder out aloud what he/she could want from you, then pick up the call and shout out the person's name, so that anybody who missed out the fact that you are talking to a very important guy will get to know of it.
  • If something surprising or shocking happens, no jaw dropping and gawking. You always know it, or expect it.
  • As someone pointed out in my previous post, make sure you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. If you don't (Or can't!), don't make them up, because handling two made up characters is tough, even for you (One of them is of course, you!!).
  • Bags. Make sure its filled up with something, so that it always looks full. And as mentioned earlier, it should reach your butt. Any general bag wouldn't do, it should be a labeled (i-carbon, Jansport, Footloose,Nike, etc.) one. And it shouldn't look like anyone else's bag here.
  • You should always have something arbitrary in mind to speak out suddenly, so that if another pseud putter comes and asks you something, you should tell that arbitrary statement and start laughing immediately. Obviously, people around you will not get it, so, you can be assured of complete secrecy (Assuming you understand what you are saying!).
  • You must use as much lingo as possible, no matter whether it's relevant or not. For example, if someone tells you,"Dude, that was a great movie right?", you should be ready with something that goes like,"Macha, sli fight only. Hazzar pain are there."
  • The word Macha, is not to spelled or pronounced in the way guys usually do. Go rather for Machcha, or Macjha, or even Maqczha (With a silent q, of course!!), whichever suits you the best.
  • Try to point out defects in everyone. If you can't, you can successfully pull it off by generally telling, "He's a bulb."
  • Not laughing at another pseud putter's "joke" is a sacrilege, so, laugh all you can. It's easy, seeing that you won't understand and you can cover it up by laughing. So, laugh till tears come out of your eyes. But don't overdo it, as the other guy might ask you to repeat his jokes to others and you will be caught in the process.
  • Make sure you sit on the edge of your seat in class, ready to jump up and give the answer before the prof completes the question. And ask doubts just for the heck of it.
  • Don't try to behave stupid, like not understanding something. There is nothing in this world that eludes you, and you know everything. If you don't, act as if you do.
  • When time comes, you will have to fill up an application form for Saarang. Here's a clue on what you have to fill: It is nothin' formal, staying your witty self helps (9).
  • Knowing how to play a guitar is a must. If you don't know, you should at least be able to hold all 5 fingers in front of your crotch and make scratching actions. This is an absolute necessity, as it helps when you are standing in the front row of WM in Saarang (The insti monkeys gawking at you might be a little uncomfortable, but who cares??).
  • Ah, before I forget. Never break the code.

If you still don't know what the code is, scroll down.

















Wondering what the code is?

You are supposed to know everything, remember? At least, act as if you do!

That was a small test to see how well you have grasped and understood the basics. And you have failed, miserably. Start all over again!!

posted under , , by Sudarshan J
11 Ways to become a Pseud Putter at IITM


This is a very arbitrary topic I have chosen, because I seem to have this mental block about good topics to write on. Any resemblance to any character, living (or dead!!) is purely coincidental. And if u seem to think that your ways resemble some that are mentioned here, I can't help it, go change yourself if you are that bothered. So, without further ado, here I go....
  • A very important thing, you should be able to emote through every part of your body(Being provocative helps in some cases!).
  • A bag reaching your butt is a must, and it should sling around a lot. You should have it on your body at all times of the day, no matter where you go and what you do.
  • Make sure your head is high up in the air, act as if you don't care about the lesser mortals around you.
  • Your hands should be positioned in such a way that you can greet another PP(Pseud Putter!!) and at the same time, take out your cell phone and do some acrobatics with it like rotating it between your thumb and forefinger(Obviously you can't take the cell phone to call up or to attend a call, because an i-pod will be plugged to your ears).
  • Wearing other accessories like sunglasses, caps, etc is your choice, as only you know what makes you look like "God".
  • Make sure you do something (read weird!!) with your hair or mustache or beard. That's supposed to enhance your personality and take you into higher dimensions of .... whatever.
  • You should have your own, characteristic and innovative way of greeting others, though I would personally recommend that you don't try giving the finger, or the Nazi salute.
  • One of the prerequisites is to have at least an Apple i-pod, and to plug it into your ears, no matter where you go. If you are seen without those white wires hanging down your ears, you might be kicked outta the brotherhood.
  • You must know how to talk the talk. Except in this case, it's how to cock the cock, or how to fart the fart.
  • Due to their eternal fear of being spoken to or greeted by the lesser mortals, the brotherhood always moves in groups of more than 3, so that if the impending danger befalls them, they can start cocking the cock (If you still don't get it, read it as talking the talk!) and scare the attackers away.
  • You must have the ability to take young, budding talent (Read freshies!) under your wing and try and develop them into something close to whatever you call yourself.

All said and done, pseud putters are very enthusiastic people, especially when it comes to literary activities and academics. They are determined individuals, who form an integral part of almost any activity in IITM.

Disclaimer: All characteristics described above are the essentials of a pseud putter, but it doesn't mean that a person having all those characteristics will necessarily be a pseud putter. And anyone having all those characteristics, but is not a pseud putter, Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap!!



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