Paining people...
... is an art, a gift. You can't learn how to pain people. You are born a pain God, or you aren't. There is no gray area. Many of the world's greatest are pain gods! From great poets, novelists, writers, lyricists to economists, physicists and even many of the Nobel Prize winners, there have been people who were regarded as pain gawds of their times. And some of them are so difficult to emulate, that no one now can come close to them. You must be wondering who all these great people are. Go find out!!
See, that is exactly how to pain people. Wait, there's more.
Actually, there's no more to that. Let's move on, shall we??
So, if there is no way you can learn how to pain people, why this blog? The reasons are fourfold:
1) To pain you.
2) To pain you.
3) To pain you.
Aren't you bored already?? Pained?? Unable to read on?? I know that you will read on, so here's more.
Actually, there is no more. That's all is there to it.
Gotcha!! So, read on.
To pain someone, you needn't know him or her. Experience tells me that it is easier to pain a girl than a guy. There are numerous ways one can pain a girl. To pain a guy, you need to know a little more about him to pick up the relevant topics and pain him. To pain a girl, any topic will do. Like for instance, I asked a girl (for which I am sorry, now!) whether she was committed or not. Off the hand, that might seem a very harmless question. But here's the catch: I didn't know who she was, I was talking to her for the very first time, and that was my 3rd or 4th line to her, as far as I remember. We kept arguing back and forth, me always having the edge over her (girls tend to speak or even argue less about anything to strangers.) till I had to sign into my account from the account (my friend's) I was talking to her on.
So, why did she shout at me? It was such a harmless question. She could have rather answered it than argue with me about the legitimacy of such a question. Here, we are delving deeper into the psychological behavior of women, on which I will blog someday. So, lets pass on that.
Now, paining men proves to be little difficult. First of all, men don't talk to men they don't know, online. So, the chances that you might get a guy who is a sitting duck out there are very low. In that case, the only ones you pain are the ones you know. Now, the ones you know, already know that you pain people. So, there is much more resistance and even if men get pained, they don't accept it as easily as a women do (showing signs of anger is acceptance, ladies!!). So, how do you pain a man? You need to take up sensitive topics. By sensitive topics, I don't mean his sister. Now, that would be a very wrong thing to do and you might end up 6 feet under. So, what kind of topics are we looking at??
For instance, lets take flight tickets. You tell a guy that there is no way you could get a flight ticket that cheap. He gets riled up, talks about how he flew to his place with much lesser fare than that. Then you argue with him telling that things are changing and that he needs to keep up with the world. He starts quoting prices each airline offers, and then you tell him that it ain't possible, or else the airline will go bankrupt. Then he puts a bet on the question, and asks you to place your bet. You say you have nothing to prove, so you won't bet. He has to prove his words, so let him show (you also keep adding that there is no way the price could be that low..). He starts cursing you, and the conversation shifts to your sister (Here, you can start about his sister. Be quick, before he graduates to someone else!). Then, you see him sitting on his computer, lashing out his fingers on the keyboard and going to various sites. In the meantime, you can hear him shout at the web page owner's sister, the net connection being too slow. You sit coolly, and keep muttering things like "Hey, India's GDP will go down if that is the case...", "Do you think they are fools to offer you flight travel at such low rates??", "Manchester United lost to Blackburn Rovers..". Now, that last sentence catches his ears and he turns to you, forgetting about the airline tickets. You start about the match enthusiastically, make up goals, bicycle kicks, et al and by the time you are finished, he would have forgotten all about the airline tickets. Now, someone walks in, as you finish the recital. You stand up, wave him goodbye, and as you go out, tell him "Hey, don't feel bad about the airline tickets man. We all forget sometimes. Nice that you accepted that the prices aren't that low. And I don't want the money you bet. It's between friends, what say??".
Now, it would really help if the person who came in last was there earlier when you started the argument. Cool it, you don't need to rush out from the room. He won't have any enthusiasm to argue now. But don't linger around too much.
I know what you are thinking. This blog is too much of a pain, or rather, boring. What the hell is this guy writing about? But you do know what I am doing, right?
So, what all do people usually get pained for? It depends on each individual, actually. Some people get pained for the easiest and the silliest of reasons, and some, like me, are very tough to pain. Yes, I am tough to pain. I might have used the words "Don't pain me" a million times, but I was just being considerate. If things go above a certain level, I can't stop myself from paining you, neither can you. But this blog is not about me, is it?? Lets go back to the topic.
Or shall we stop? You think this is enough? Getting bored, aren't you?? Some of you might even come up to me and ask me what kind of a stupid blog this is. But we both know that it ain't stupid. It's just that you got pained.
I have got lots more to say, but lets see whether you can finish reading this blog or not. Here's a small quiz -
1) How many times have I used pain or variations of pain in this post?
2) At how many points while reading this post, were you actually going to press the cancel button?
3) For this post, I have given the option of anonymous commenting. So, comment all you want, and try paining me.
4) When did Blackburn Rovers defeat Manchester United and by how much?? (They did. Google it out.)
5) How many reasons did I give for writing this post?
6) Why did I write this post?
The last question will be used as a tiebreaker question, so be nice to me. The winner will get one month's free material on Pain 101 - An introduction on how to pain people.
... is an art, a gift. You can't learn how to pain people. You are born a pain God, or you aren't. There is no gray area. Many of the world's greatest are pain gods! From great poets, novelists, writers, lyricists to economists, physicists and even many of the Nobel Prize winners, there have been people who were regarded as pain gawds of their times. And some of them are so difficult to emulate, that no one now can come close to them. You must be wondering who all these great people are. Go find out!!
See, that is exactly how to pain people. Wait, there's more.
Actually, there's no more to that. Let's move on, shall we??
So, if there is no way you can learn how to pain people, why this blog? The reasons are fourfold:
1) To pain you.
2) To pain you.
3) To pain you.
Aren't you bored already?? Pained?? Unable to read on?? I know that you will read on, so here's more.
Actually, there is no more. That's all is there to it.
Gotcha!! So, read on.
To pain someone, you needn't know him or her. Experience tells me that it is easier to pain a girl than a guy. There are numerous ways one can pain a girl. To pain a guy, you need to know a little more about him to pick up the relevant topics and pain him. To pain a girl, any topic will do. Like for instance, I asked a girl (for which I am sorry, now!) whether she was committed or not. Off the hand, that might seem a very harmless question. But here's the catch: I didn't know who she was, I was talking to her for the very first time, and that was my 3rd or 4th line to her, as far as I remember. We kept arguing back and forth, me always having the edge over her (girls tend to speak or even argue less about anything to strangers.) till I had to sign into my account from the account (my friend's) I was talking to her on.
So, why did she shout at me? It was such a harmless question. She could have rather answered it than argue with me about the legitimacy of such a question. Here, we are delving deeper into the psychological behavior of women, on which I will blog someday. So, lets pass on that.
Now, paining men proves to be little difficult. First of all, men don't talk to men they don't know, online. So, the chances that you might get a guy who is a sitting duck out there are very low. In that case, the only ones you pain are the ones you know. Now, the ones you know, already know that you pain people. So, there is much more resistance and even if men get pained, they don't accept it as easily as a women do (showing signs of anger is acceptance, ladies!!). So, how do you pain a man? You need to take up sensitive topics. By sensitive topics, I don't mean his sister. Now, that would be a very wrong thing to do and you might end up 6 feet under. So, what kind of topics are we looking at??
For instance, lets take flight tickets. You tell a guy that there is no way you could get a flight ticket that cheap. He gets riled up, talks about how he flew to his place with much lesser fare than that. Then you argue with him telling that things are changing and that he needs to keep up with the world. He starts quoting prices each airline offers, and then you tell him that it ain't possible, or else the airline will go bankrupt. Then he puts a bet on the question, and asks you to place your bet. You say you have nothing to prove, so you won't bet. He has to prove his words, so let him show (you also keep adding that there is no way the price could be that low..). He starts cursing you, and the conversation shifts to your sister (Here, you can start about his sister. Be quick, before he graduates to someone else!). Then, you see him sitting on his computer, lashing out his fingers on the keyboard and going to various sites. In the meantime, you can hear him shout at the web page owner's sister, the net connection being too slow. You sit coolly, and keep muttering things like "Hey, India's GDP will go down if that is the case...", "Do you think they are fools to offer you flight travel at such low rates??", "Manchester United lost to Blackburn Rovers..". Now, that last sentence catches his ears and he turns to you, forgetting about the airline tickets. You start about the match enthusiastically, make up goals, bicycle kicks, et al and by the time you are finished, he would have forgotten all about the airline tickets. Now, someone walks in, as you finish the recital. You stand up, wave him goodbye, and as you go out, tell him "Hey, don't feel bad about the airline tickets man. We all forget sometimes. Nice that you accepted that the prices aren't that low. And I don't want the money you bet. It's between friends, what say??".
Now, it would really help if the person who came in last was there earlier when you started the argument. Cool it, you don't need to rush out from the room. He won't have any enthusiasm to argue now. But don't linger around too much.
I know what you are thinking. This blog is too much of a pain, or rather, boring. What the hell is this guy writing about? But you do know what I am doing, right?
So, what all do people usually get pained for? It depends on each individual, actually. Some people get pained for the easiest and the silliest of reasons, and some, like me, are very tough to pain. Yes, I am tough to pain. I might have used the words "Don't pain me" a million times, but I was just being considerate. If things go above a certain level, I can't stop myself from paining you, neither can you. But this blog is not about me, is it?? Lets go back to the topic.
Or shall we stop? You think this is enough? Getting bored, aren't you?? Some of you might even come up to me and ask me what kind of a stupid blog this is. But we both know that it ain't stupid. It's just that you got pained.
I have got lots more to say, but lets see whether you can finish reading this blog or not. Here's a small quiz -
1) How many times have I used pain or variations of pain in this post?
2) At how many points while reading this post, were you actually going to press the cancel button?
3) For this post, I have given the option of anonymous commenting. So, comment all you want, and try paining me.
4) When did Blackburn Rovers defeat Manchester United and by how much?? (They did. Google it out.)
5) How many reasons did I give for writing this post?
6) Why did I write this post?
The last question will be used as a tiebreaker question, so be nice to me. The winner will get one month's free material on Pain 101 - An introduction on how to pain people.
