Viva la Dean!!!
I kept dreaming about this for weeks. It turned out to be such a nightmare.
No, obviously not for me. For the Dean.
Here are some excerpts from the Lab Viva.
----
Dean: Do you smoke??
Me: Sir, are you asking this question as the Dean or as a professor of the Department of Ocean Engineering??
Dean: I am asking this is as your professor.
Me: Sir, then I think it would be better if we don't deviate from our subject and attend to the matter at hand.
Dean: What impudence?? In that case, I am asking you this question as the Dean!!
Me: Then I have no business sitting at your office with all these lab reports in my hands on a fine Saturday morning sir.
----
At another point of the very same Viva:
Dean: You have copied all the reports. You are an unscrupulous cheat and a liar!!
Me: (Silence)
Dean: Speak up!! Can't you do a single thing on your own?? Is this what you have been taught all these years?? I don't see any originality in your reports. All the readings are the same, the graphs look the same, the write up contains similar words. What have you even learnt from the lab? How well to copy??
Me: ....
Dean: Are you going to open your mouth or not?
Me: Sir, 10 of us did the same experiment, with the same values. I think common sense states that we get the same readings and the same graphs. And since we did the same experiment, I think even the method written by us will be the same.
Dean: What if I prove that you have copied word to word??
Me: Sir, I accept that I have copied.
Dean: There you go. Is this why I have to come to class every Friday afternoon after lunch and take your class for an hour? You haven't even written the conclusion on your own. Have you even gone through the slides I showed you in the class??
Me: Sir, about the slides, if I may ask, how much of it is yours, originally? Except the 1st slide where you write your name and your impressive degrees and the last one where you thank us for not sleeping in your class, how much have you written it on your own??
----
Except that all this never happened. it was just another dream.
And the nightmare was mine.
I got a report resubmission, and I have been asked to re-appear for Viva. But writing about the actual Viva that would have made an awesomely boooorring story!!
About the topics chosen (smoking and copying!), it actually happened to 2 of my mates. And this is how I would have responded to the Dean, had I been there, hypothetically!!
And Viva la Dean?? Not even in your dreams!!
No, obviously not for me. For the Dean.
Here are some excerpts from the Lab Viva.
----
Dean: Do you smoke??
Me: Sir, are you asking this question as the Dean or as a professor of the Department of Ocean Engineering??
Dean: I am asking this is as your professor.
Me: Sir, then I think it would be better if we don't deviate from our subject and attend to the matter at hand.
Dean: What impudence?? In that case, I am asking you this question as the Dean!!
Me: Then I have no business sitting at your office with all these lab reports in my hands on a fine Saturday morning sir.
----
At another point of the very same Viva:
Dean: You have copied all the reports. You are an unscrupulous cheat and a liar!!
Me: (Silence)
Dean: Speak up!! Can't you do a single thing on your own?? Is this what you have been taught all these years?? I don't see any originality in your reports. All the readings are the same, the graphs look the same, the write up contains similar words. What have you even learnt from the lab? How well to copy??
Me: ....
Dean: Are you going to open your mouth or not?
Me: Sir, 10 of us did the same experiment, with the same values. I think common sense states that we get the same readings and the same graphs. And since we did the same experiment, I think even the method written by us will be the same.
Dean: What if I prove that you have copied word to word??
Me: Sir, I accept that I have copied.
Dean: There you go. Is this why I have to come to class every Friday afternoon after lunch and take your class for an hour? You haven't even written the conclusion on your own. Have you even gone through the slides I showed you in the class??
Me: Sir, about the slides, if I may ask, how much of it is yours, originally? Except the 1st slide where you write your name and your impressive degrees and the last one where you thank us for not sleeping in your class, how much have you written it on your own??
----
Except that all this never happened. it was just another dream.
And the nightmare was mine.
I got a report resubmission, and I have been asked to re-appear for Viva. But writing about the actual Viva that would have made an awesomely boooorring story!!
About the topics chosen (smoking and copying!), it actually happened to 2 of my mates. And this is how I would have responded to the Dean, had I been there, hypothetically!!
And Viva la Dean?? Not even in your dreams!!
